Here's the reason why I'm writing about this. Earlier this evening, a friend whom I have recently acquainted myself with, said something about one dear to me. Or at least I believe so, and my instincts about women and their bad feelings are quite accurate. So presupposing that she said what she said specifically about I-n, I also have something to say about what H said.
Context: She has brought me to a pride place for brunch known as The Elbow Room. For obvious reasons, I-n would not be comfortable going there, and the reasons why are less obvious but they are most certainly there. Forcing him to go to such a place would in no way help the situation but probably worsen it. My experience there? It was alright. I was slightly uncomfortable, but enjoyed the experience of being uncomfortable. What really struck me was how much I don't fit into this world, and that has nothing to do with the pride/queer factor but rather the bitchy/say-what-you-want factor. It's not my thing. I do much better in less confrontational and self absorbed places. I am merely being honest. I enjoyed the experience of going there, but it's not a place I love or would love. I-n and H's husband talked about brunch at work, about how we couldn't make it today for brunch, but that Sunday was a contender, after church. I-n told J specifically that that place was a no-go, but whatever the reason the message was not passed on to H, and J actually said that we would be alright to have brunch in The Elbow Room. Anyway, it was discussed today and I said he was not going to be comfortable doing that, and so she wrote back saying "That's too bad, but if he changes his mind you guys can join us there at 1". So it's not about brunch with us, but about brunch at The Elbow Room. There was no offer of brunch at another place.
Later on facebook, this post on her wall: Bigotry makes me want to vomit.
2 things.
1. Commenting about how somebody else's problems has now become a problem that makes you want to vomit is bigotry in its own way. People have their reasons and their own right to whatever they want to feel and what they are comfortable and uncomfortable with. Imposing how you feel on other people, even if you're the "biggest" person on Earth for accepting all the gay people in the world and all the people who have identity crises in the world, not accepting people who have their own opinions and their own ways is bigotry. He may have his own problems and his own issues to work out, but guess what? Those problems are his alone. He affects nobody with it, and his choice not to go and have brunch in a place that makes him uncomfortable? Fine by me. I wouldn't go and have brunch in a place filled with spiders, and that's my choice. It's not your place to judge a decision based purely on good manners.
2. Nothing that any friend of mine ever says will ever make me think less of you. Ever. I might see that you have your issues to work out, but those are not people's problems. Only if they try to help you entirely out of love.
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